#31plays31days Y6 #30. Pop a Cork!


POP A CORK! – A Short Play by Paul Hagen


MAEVE, an Auntie Mame-like figure descends a fabulous staircase into a crowd of revelers.


MAEVE: Since life’s a banquet, better grab a fork,

And snatch a bite from each dish as it comes.

Go ‘head and grab a bottle – pop a cork!


MAEVE walks up to a painfully thin-looking guest, grabs a big tray of hors d’oeuvres from passing WAITER, and begins shoving food into her mouth.


Let’s stuff our faces with the finest pork!

Let’s scarf until there’s nothing left but crumbs!

If life’s a banquet, better grab a fork!


MAEVE hands the tray to the thin girl and moves on — grabbing a bottle from a passing WAITER She walks up to an evidently pregnant guest, tosses out her non-alcoholic drink, refills the glass with champagne and hands it back to the pregnant woman.


Let’s drink like we’re done waiting for the stork!

Let’s pickle baby like the Japs do plums!

Go ‘head and grab a bottle – pop a cork!


MAEVE finds a fat man sitting on the couch, grabs a cream puff from a nearby tower of desserts and squeezes the cream out onto her finger, teasing him by waving it around just out of reach of his mouth.


Let’s live like Liza sings, “New York, New York”!

Let’s shake like Congra players at their drums!

If life’s a banquet, better grab a fork!


MAEVE denies the fat man, eating the cream herself and crawls over him, discovering a couple in the midst of making out and plopping herself down right in the middle of them.


Let’s party like we’re Mickey fucking Rourke!

Get higher than the dope queens in the slums!

Go ‘head and grab a bottle – pop the cork!


MAEVE kisses each half of the couple and then stumbles over to an ice bucket from which she grabs a fresh bottle of champagne and hands it to a muscular party guest who begins to work at the top with his fingers.


Let bust that bad boy open! It takes torque!

Yeah, buddy, put your back into those thumbs!

If life’s a banquet, better grab a fork!

Go ‘head and grab a bottle – pop the cork!


There is a loud pop and an impressive gush assthe bottle finally opens, but the cork flies and hits MAEVE in the head. She drops to the ground. LIGHTS OUT.


About misterpaulhagen

Editor-in-Chief of Metrosource Magazine - http://www.metrosource.com. Contributor to Sirius/XM's The Focus Group - http://focusgroupradio.com. Co-creator and Master of Ceremonies of the "Casual Fridays" podcast, which you can download free here - http://itun.es/i6t6b6 - Graduate of Fordham University
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