#31plays31days Y6 #31. Your Cruise Director

YourCruiseDirector.jpg

Your Cruise Director — A Short Play by Paul Hagen

CANDY, your cruise director, is leading an excited group of new arrivals on a tour of her fabulous ocean liner, The Full Release. Its name is printed in oversize letters on the wall, punctuated by a series of storefronts and portholes.

 

CANDY: I’ll be your cruise director, so relax:

It’s time to let your troubles float on by.

We’ll make sure that you all get drinks and snacks.

 

CANDY leads the group over to the first storefront, a salon labelled “Hairy Situations.”

 

For those who haven’t haven’t had the time to wax,

Our staff’s so gentle you won’t even sigh.

Trust me, your cruise director, just relax.

 

CANDY leads the group to a second storefront, a swim clothing boutique called “Suits to Kill.”

 

Is saggy swimwear showing all your cracks?

Try something sleek that hugs you at the thigh.

But leave some leeway for the drinks and snacks.

 

CANDY leads the group to a third storefront, a combination casino and marijuana dispensary called “Feeling Flush.”

 

A treat for all you Kings and Queens and Jacks!

Come try your luck where Aces get you high.

Your cruise director tokes too, so relax!

 

CANDY leads the group to a fourth storefront, an all you can-eat buffet called “Loosen Up, My Gluttons.”

 

Shrimp cocktail, french fries, pancakes by the stacks:

Your favorite foods — unlimited supply!

You’ll never ever want for drinks and snacks.

 

CANDY leads the group to the final storefront, a brothel called “All Tricked Out.”

 

And naturally we’ll want you to climax

We’re happy to provide a girl or guy.

I’ll be your cruise director, so relax.

We’ll make sure that you all get drinks and snacks.

 

The tour group breaks up, its members excitedly running into the different storefronts. CANDY smiles, pulls a joint from under her nautical cap, lights up, and saunters off to welcome her next group as LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.

Advertisements

About misterpaulhagen

Editor-in-Chief of Metrosource Magazine - http://www.metrosource.com. Contributor to Sirius/XM's The Focus Group - http://focusgroupradio.com. Co-creator and Master of Ceremonies of the "Casual Fridays" podcast, which you can download free here - http://itun.es/i6t6b6 - Graduate of Fordham University
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s